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Why is it that when somebody apologizes to a friend or a loved one, the apology does not seem to be heard? How many times does it take for somebody to truly hear and feel a personal apology? Only one apology is necessary if a person understands the dynamics of reaching a person at the deepest level. But lets look at societies programming. In most TV shows, movies, soap operas, etc, the people have to get into some escalated fight (breaking the shadow) before they can surrender to each other resulting in hugs and tears and being thoroughly sorry for their actions. But this apology is not absolutely finalized since they walk away from each other with smiles and new beginnings yes, but they still carry a percent of doubt toward each other.
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Humans can deeply apologize for an action or offense that they have done, and then walk away feeling good that all aggression has been balanced. But then later behind the scenes the apologizing person still hears the receiving person complaining to somebody else about what that person has done to them. The receiving person is still hurt in some way even after the apology has been delivered and fully accepted. The apologizing person is now hurt as well. This earth world is really tough, and from birth humans quickly see how much hurt is going around to ones self and to others. It is not fun getting hurt over and over and after the cycle repeats itself many times, humans develop a wall of protection to ease the pain of the hurt, and the perceived next hurt they may receive. This protection is more than just a wall, this developed protection actually has a conscious. So not protection but protector. This protector is named the Shadow and everybody has this Shadow.
The shadow is positioned between the hurtful actions of the outside world and the inner child. Also there is a buffer zone between the shadow and the inner child. So the shadow has a wall, and the inner child has a wall. The shadow is one of the toughest stubborn characters within all humans. It fully can control and take advantage of all situations as it protects the very loving and caring inner child from pain at all costs. It does not just protect from others, it protects from self actions as well. The shadow demands respect first before it lets anybody including self, to reach the inner child.
For this example I will use a boyfriend and girlfriend in a new relationship for the understanding. Setting One: The boyfriend does something bad to the girlfriend and now the girlfriend is upset and non talkative. The boyfriend apologizes and the girlfriend shadow asks itself it the apology was acceptable enough to let it pass on to the girlfriend inner child. Since the relationship is new, the apology is accepted by the inner child and the relationship continues on hand-in-hand.
Setting Two: After this cycle has repeated itself a few times, the shadow has become more aware of the pain it is receiving and strengthens its walls. The shadow now takes a firm position as the mediator for the inner child not allowing the apology to go through, unless it is wrapped in a deeper form of love. The inner child as well is aware of this cycle of pain and also expects a stronger and more realistic apology. In this case the apology may have been accepted by the shadow, but now the apology remains in the buffer zone between the shadow and inner child, where the inner child keeps its guard up. The relationship continues on now walking side-by-side, not hand-in-hand.
Setting Three and on: As this cycle of pain continues the shadow no longer accepts the apology, and the relationship goes into more of a court room setting where each the boyfriend and girlfriend state their case to each other in anger. As the anger and creative logic escalates in this court room, the apology may become acceptable for the shadow, but never for the inner child. The couple now has one person leading and one person following. In most cases the boyfriend will jut give up on everything “she’s always right,” or the boyfriend will dominate the relationship; “he’s always right”. Now the relationship is on the road to a breakup, unless the couple enjoys swirling in their non constructive pain.
The shadow does not just protect from pain in relationships, it protects in self actions as well. Family death, job loss, drug addiction, self inadequacy, etc, are a few reasons the shadow takes a stand of protection for the inner child. The person who is fooling themselves by pretending, is fully detected by their shadow. A person cannot sneak around their shadow because the shadow never sleeps. It is always aware of all actions. This is why people have trouble breaking their addictions and seek outside help to reach their inner child for healing. This is why people become very angry in life not understanding why they cannot simply release the overabundant pain they are having or have experienced in a situation. It is because the shadow demands the proper apology first, and the inner child is the one who releases the pain where then peace is achieved.
If the inner child becomes overly hurt, this is where thoughts of suicide come from. God gave all humans this shadow as a secondary mechanism to keep humans remaining on this earth to complete their mission duration, and not to cut it short with suicide.
A proper apology is not just saying sorry, or stomping around in circles yelling “I’m sorry,” but actually gift wrapping the apology in love so the inner child can receive it. If you truly are sorry for something, then show it with love to the fullest degree. Find a place away from the worlds distractions, look into the eyes of the one the apology is intended for, and deliver it with love. Deliver it over and over with incredible love if necessary! Being hurt is not an easy thing to overcome! Deliver it in truth over and over and over and over and over, and believe it! Purchasing gifts can help to attract a persons shadow to begin to listen to them, but the very loving truthful apology is still necessary to reach the soft and fragile inner child.
This is a example of how the Shadow protects the inner child. But there are a few dynamics here that need to be understood. In this case this shows a person who is trying to reach another person after they have hurt the other person. How does a person reach and calm another persons Shadow? This is not a easy task especially if the other person does not recognize their Shadow at all. That inner voice Shadow within them is screaming, “your partner will hurt you again.” The Shadow laughs saying “I told you so, you are inadequate to even hold a relationship.” The Shadow can be really mean and unfair and can bring forward a lot of tears. The ego steps in having a plan to raise this persons self esteem, but yet the Shadow continues to suggest a different story. The person over time uses forgiveness over and over to allow time to slowly calm the storm, a storm that now awaits in full force, for a similarity of the past situation to raise again allowing the storm to come forward in a even stronger way. If the person does not find a way to personally talk to their Shadow in a very respectful way, the person may find themselves in a never ending Maze that can last lifetimes.
Looking at the other person in this story. Ego is relieved that the relationship is over and is filling the person with positive self esteem. Overall this is only a illusion, and the person somewhat parades around and looks for many allies (other peoples support) to keep this self esteem at its highest level. But when the person looks at themselves in the mirror, the truth is continually exposed as they see the Shadow having a sinister smile staring and waving at them. Their ego fights this reflection, but the ego-Shadow battle continues. It even continues while not looking in the mirror. It battles so much that the person can find that they are trapped in what seems to be a never ending battle, that can last lifetimes. The saying is that “Time” heals, but the saying should be that “The Shadow never forgets.” A person needs to come to terms with their Shadow and not their ego to bring the person back into balance. This is a act that can be achieved by understanding who this Shadow is, and how much respect this Shadow should be given…. all of the time.
Spiritual Master Matt Kahn speaks of this shadow in greater depth on his YouTube segments. Search for “Respecting the Shadow”
Jesus teaching: "Forgiveness is not just a act of forgiving. Confrontation must first take place for forgiveness to hold."
With Love,
Marty
-the Sage
The shadow is positioned between the hurtful actions of the outside world and the inner child. Also there is a buffer zone between the shadow and the inner child. So the shadow has a wall, and the inner child has a wall. The shadow is one of the toughest stubborn characters within all humans. It fully can control and take advantage of all situations as it protects the very loving and caring inner child from pain at all costs. It does not just protect from others, it protects from self actions as well. The shadow demands respect first before it lets anybody including self, to reach the inner child.
For this example I will use a boyfriend and girlfriend in a new relationship for the understanding. Setting One: The boyfriend does something bad to the girlfriend and now the girlfriend is upset and non talkative. The boyfriend apologizes and the girlfriend shadow asks itself it the apology was acceptable enough to let it pass on to the girlfriend inner child. Since the relationship is new, the apology is accepted by the inner child and the relationship continues on hand-in-hand.
Setting Two: After this cycle has repeated itself a few times, the shadow has become more aware of the pain it is receiving and strengthens its walls. The shadow now takes a firm position as the mediator for the inner child not allowing the apology to go through, unless it is wrapped in a deeper form of love. The inner child as well is aware of this cycle of pain and also expects a stronger and more realistic apology. In this case the apology may have been accepted by the shadow, but now the apology remains in the buffer zone between the shadow and inner child, where the inner child keeps its guard up. The relationship continues on now walking side-by-side, not hand-in-hand.
Setting Three and on: As this cycle of pain continues the shadow no longer accepts the apology, and the relationship goes into more of a court room setting where each the boyfriend and girlfriend state their case to each other in anger. As the anger and creative logic escalates in this court room, the apology may become acceptable for the shadow, but never for the inner child. The couple now has one person leading and one person following. In most cases the boyfriend will jut give up on everything “she’s always right,” or the boyfriend will dominate the relationship; “he’s always right”. Now the relationship is on the road to a breakup, unless the couple enjoys swirling in their non constructive pain.
The shadow does not just protect from pain in relationships, it protects in self actions as well. Family death, job loss, drug addiction, self inadequacy, etc, are a few reasons the shadow takes a stand of protection for the inner child. The person who is fooling themselves by pretending, is fully detected by their shadow. A person cannot sneak around their shadow because the shadow never sleeps. It is always aware of all actions. This is why people have trouble breaking their addictions and seek outside help to reach their inner child for healing. This is why people become very angry in life not understanding why they cannot simply release the overabundant pain they are having or have experienced in a situation. It is because the shadow demands the proper apology first, and the inner child is the one who releases the pain where then peace is achieved.
If the inner child becomes overly hurt, this is where thoughts of suicide come from. God gave all humans this shadow as a secondary mechanism to keep humans remaining on this earth to complete their mission duration, and not to cut it short with suicide.
A proper apology is not just saying sorry, or stomping around in circles yelling “I’m sorry,” but actually gift wrapping the apology in love so the inner child can receive it. If you truly are sorry for something, then show it with love to the fullest degree. Find a place away from the worlds distractions, look into the eyes of the one the apology is intended for, and deliver it with love. Deliver it over and over with incredible love if necessary! Being hurt is not an easy thing to overcome! Deliver it in truth over and over and over and over and over, and believe it! Purchasing gifts can help to attract a persons shadow to begin to listen to them, but the very loving truthful apology is still necessary to reach the soft and fragile inner child.
This is a example of how the Shadow protects the inner child. But there are a few dynamics here that need to be understood. In this case this shows a person who is trying to reach another person after they have hurt the other person. How does a person reach and calm another persons Shadow? This is not a easy task especially if the other person does not recognize their Shadow at all. That inner voice Shadow within them is screaming, “your partner will hurt you again.” The Shadow laughs saying “I told you so, you are inadequate to even hold a relationship.” The Shadow can be really mean and unfair and can bring forward a lot of tears. The ego steps in having a plan to raise this persons self esteem, but yet the Shadow continues to suggest a different story. The person over time uses forgiveness over and over to allow time to slowly calm the storm, a storm that now awaits in full force, for a similarity of the past situation to raise again allowing the storm to come forward in a even stronger way. If the person does not find a way to personally talk to their Shadow in a very respectful way, the person may find themselves in a never ending Maze that can last lifetimes.
Looking at the other person in this story. Ego is relieved that the relationship is over and is filling the person with positive self esteem. Overall this is only a illusion, and the person somewhat parades around and looks for many allies (other peoples support) to keep this self esteem at its highest level. But when the person looks at themselves in the mirror, the truth is continually exposed as they see the Shadow having a sinister smile staring and waving at them. Their ego fights this reflection, but the ego-Shadow battle continues. It even continues while not looking in the mirror. It battles so much that the person can find that they are trapped in what seems to be a never ending battle, that can last lifetimes. The saying is that “Time” heals, but the saying should be that “The Shadow never forgets.” A person needs to come to terms with their Shadow and not their ego to bring the person back into balance. This is a act that can be achieved by understanding who this Shadow is, and how much respect this Shadow should be given…. all of the time.
Spiritual Master Matt Kahn speaks of this shadow in greater depth on his YouTube segments. Search for “Respecting the Shadow”
Jesus teaching: "Forgiveness is not just a act of forgiving. Confrontation must first take place for forgiveness to hold."
With Love,
Marty
-the Sage